I can sort of understand why Dr. Glass named her business A-Whole Chiropractic:
A to get top billing in the Yellow Pages and
Whole ‘cause she makes her patients whole.
But, Dr. Glass, every writer has to keep a wary eye out for homonyms, homophones, and confusingly similar words. They can cause a lot of mischief, embarrassment and misunderstanding.
From the Urban Dictionary
The polite way to use the wonderful expletive, ASSHOLE. They use this ALL the time on the radio, but I mean c’mon, it means the same damn thing…
Frank McCourt, previous owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, is the biggest a-hole in baseball, maybe the world
Remember, your readers’ minds (at least if they’re like me) are in the gutter.
Homonyms are two or more words that share the same spelling, or the same pronunciation, or both, but have different meanings.
Examples: bear (big, furry animal) and bear (to carry or support; endure), flea (an insect) and flee (to run away), earn (to achieve as a result of action) and urn (ornamental vase for holding ashes of the dead).
Homonyms come in two basic flavors:
Homographs share the same spelling, and sometimes the same sound, but have different meanings. Steve couldn’t bear to see the bear chained to a tree
Examples: bow (type of knot) and bow (to incline), desert (abandon) and desert (arid land), and carp (a fish) and carp (to complain).
Homophones are words that share the same pronunciation but differ in spelling and meaning, such as for, four, fore; there and they’re; and to, too, two.
Written homophones are easy to spot. As you read, your eye scans a sentence and quickly understands the context in which a homophone is used.
The eye may not be fooled, but the ear stumbles over spoken homophones, resulting in a thoroughly confused listener. Juan won one two-to-one, too sounds like a series of numbers: 1-1-1-2-2-1-2.
Homophones and confusingly similar words are the stuff that malapropisms and mondregreens are made of.
A malapropism is the unintentional misuse of a word by confusion with one of similar sound, with humorous results. Such as in this classified ad: Butchered peasants, $5 each. [Pheasants]
While a malapropism is misuse of a single word, a mondegreen is misinterpretation of a phrase or series of words that sounds like another phrase or series of words – and like malapropisms, the mistake is often amusing.
Mondegreens happen when people mishear song lyrics.
In Creedence Clearwater Revival’s classic song Bad Moon Rising, have you always heard “There’s a bathroom on the right” instead of the actual lyrics, “There’s a bad moon on the rise”?
In Purple Haze, does Jimi Hendrix say “’Scuse me while I kiss this guy” or do you hear the true lyrics, “’Scuse me while I kiss the sky”?
Those are two common mondegreens.
My favorite mondegreen is from Elton John’s Bennie and the Jets, “She’s got electric boobs, her mom has two” for “She’s got electric boots and mohair shoes.”
Some (homophone: sum) of my favorite homonyms, homophones and confusingly similar words:
abjure to renounce
adjure to command, as under oath
Steve, we adjure you to forsake and abjure your stupid blog, Steve of Upland
adverse opposed; hostile
averse having a feeling of repugnance or distaste; disinclined
Steve is averse to give up his blog and cannot understand the adverse reaction Steve of Upland generates
ascetic severe self-discipline and abstention from pleasure
aesthetic love of beauty; concerned with pure emotion and sensation
Steve shifted from an aesthetic life to an ascetic existence after marrying Lizzie
brought past tense of bring: to carry, convey; to come with
cant hypocritical and sanctimonious talk
Lisa Simpson encounters cant from an unexpected source
closure bring to an end; conclusion
cloture a method of closing
dew moisture, especially in droplets
do to act
endemic belonging exclusively or confined to a particular place
epidemic extremely prevalent; widespread
hear give heed or attention to what is said; listen
here in this place
picnic an outing where a packed meal is eaten outdoors
pyknic having a rounded build or body structure; noun: a person of the pyknic type, like Roy here …
Roy is in great shape (round is a shape)
read to peruse
reed tall grass
read past tense of read I read it in a magazine
red the color
spruce a type of tree
spruce to make neat or dapper (often followed by up)
weald wooded or uncultivated country
wield to exercise power; to use effectively
See my master list of all the homonyms, homophones, and other confusingly similar words I’ve posted to date.
Want to see all my postings on Homonyms, Homophones, and Other Confusingly Similar Words? Click here
And please comment with your favorite homonyms. I’d also like to know your favorite malapropism or mondegreen.
I’m gonna watch some cartoons while I wait for your response.
I guess because Mickey is a mouse and not a person this doesn’t count as animal abuse. It’s animal-on-animal cruelty. And, hey, it’s just a cartoon! Like Itchy & Scratchy in the Simpsons.
Click to see every Itchy & Scratchy segment ever made in one violently long supercut (48-minutes)
I do not want to hear your cant about how averse you are to the epidemic of gratuitous violence in the media. A-wholes like me love this stuff! What power do you wield to censor others? Life’s no picnic, you know! Or have you bought into the Big Lie? If you read my blog, that’s what you get – the TRUTH. I won’t spruce up the facts for you or anyone! Now you have me seeing red!
Let’s bring this post to closure.